Palmtree Contemplations

The river I cross in the woods, Heart thudding, legs kicking, Is wider than my tired soul        may take me. Be the love that guides me onward, The faith I find among the trees. The trail I follow through this desert Chest aching, feet stumbling, Is longer than all my quick wits         may endure. Be the will that sends me forward, The hope I doubt but say is sure. The safehold I seek on the cliffs , Lungs heaving, arms straining, Is further than all my strength          may bear me, Be the grace that pulls me upward, The truth I know yet cannot see.

I had another meeting with my specialist, and while we both agree that there are still a lot of things wrong with me (Gu, I am looking at you) I am definitely improving all around. We are doubling a dosage of a specific supplement, which means the next couple of weeks will probably be rough. But then, again, none of this is predictable, so maybe I'll be super energetic all the time. After my meeting with her, I came home and had two incredible days. There have been many times in this journey with Lyme when I have wondered what is wrong with my brain. Why can't I remember things? Why is it so hard to move from one task to another? Why do I sometimes feel as though it is impossible for me to think beyond the next few days, or even the next few hours? Lyme has shrunk my ability to think clearly. Lately, though, I keep having these days of clarity and quick thinking. The other night, I marveled at how I could be thinking about making dinner, the book I was reading, what I shoul...

Hey friends! Here is another quick update on all things Lyme and Gu in my life. It's been six weeks since Nichole told me I had Gu Syndrome. The first few weeks after that were hard. I started off too strong with the Gu treatment, taking one pill a day. This resulted in one of the worst days/weeks I have had a long time. I had difficult sleeping, intense brain fog, and a lot of aching in my joints. I now know the following: Serpent Pearls are for every other day, no more, no less. February came, and the headlines read: GIRL DIES FROM WORST HEAD COLD EVER. Not really, but it was pretty awful. I did think my nose might explode from the pressure a few times. Also, I never thought that using a Netti Pot could be so horrific. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say my morning rinses would have been an excellent setting for a scene from Ridley Scott's Alien films. I am currently teaching 39 piano students and also working as a nanny/tutor in the mornings. This ha...

I close the turquoise journal and slide it into the barely available slot next to all my other journals. Writing it was a process I disliked most of the time. After reading it, though, I decide it is one of my favorites, because I can see my growth and change in so many ways. The most obvious one? My handwriting changed directly after my 25th birthday, a literal expression of inner turmoil being worked through and released. My eyes trace the colors and heights of each journal on the shelf. There's the green, thin one from my junior year of college, which is full of poetry. There's a grey one begun my second summer at Windermere, a conference center in Missouri. There's the black and white one from the summer I sold books in Wisconsin with Southwestern advantage. And there's that cream and purple one- I pull it off the shelf, thumbing through it towards the back, looking for a specific entry. After a few moments I find it. September 3, 2012 "My energy has ...

This is a quick update for anyone interested in my Lyme journey. The past couple of months have been up and down physically. I had a pretty bad bout of bronchitis back in December, and was very unmotivated to do much but rest. Thankfully I was able to do a lot of that and only had to show up for piano lessons in the evenings. Yesterday I went to see my doctor and while there is still a lot going on in my body, we were both pleased by the fact that I was able to fight off the bronchitis with a minimum of antibiotics. A year ago, I would not have been able to do that. When she read for Lyme with the bio meridian machine, it wasn't as strong as it has been the past few times, which was also super encouraging. We decided to take a break from the tinctures I've been taking for that in order to focus on a new, exciting thing we found in my body: Gu Syndrome. Side note: try saying Gu Syndrome, pronounced "Goo Syndrome." It's fun. I only just found out about this sy...

Since moving to Wisconsin I constantly find myself having the following exchange. Me: "So, where does your family live again?" Them: "About twenty minutes from here. Yours?" Me: "Well....." When I was at college, plenty of people had left home to come to school. I am finding, though, that here in Wisconsin, a lot of people have been here for a long time. They belong to that particular group of human I've heard of, but rarely met: Born And Raised. Although, to many of them, I am the rare, the minority. When asked to explain growing up as a missionary kid with "all those other missionary kids", I pause, my tongue seemingly pinned to the back of my teeth. "Well, I guess it's just normal to you, right?" I smile and nod, quietly mulling over this word. Normal: Christmas presents in the mail. Normal: Skype chats, long e-mails, poring over Facebook pictures of people I love. Normal: Four time zones on my phone. Norma...

The Oh Hellos are one of my favorite bands. I love their sound, their lyrics, and can sing along to all of their songs. I was actually supposed to be leaving for their concert in Chicago right now, but instead I am at home getting ready to take a long, hot detox bath. I've been pushing fluids through my body all day, but nothing is taking this headache and general "bleh" away. The fever started last night, which meant that I hardly slept and missed out on a game night. This keeps happening. I make plans, the excitement at doing something fun builds, and then I come down with the flu, or a fever, and I have to make the call to let someone know that I am housebound once again. Making plans quickly turns into "I had plans, but now the plan is to rest until I feel better." It's frustrating. I can't remember the last time I went a few weeks without feeling sick or lacking in energy. I suppose this is an improvement, though. It used be that I couldn'...