Palmtree Contemplations

I went to see my specialist this past week, and she didn't find any Lyme. It was the strangest thing. Nicole ran test after test, looking for it everywhere. For a while, we both leaned in towards the screen, watching the readings. After a while, I couldn't handle it anymore and sat back in my chair. "This is so exciting," Nicole said. "You nervous?" "Yeah. It's gotta be in there somewhere, right?" I said, not wanting to be disappointed if we did find it. But that machine kept beeping, and the line kept reading negative. "I can't find it," Nicole said decisively. We both agreed it might be hiding out somewhere, and I still needed to do everything I have been doing up until now to support my body. Delicate flower. That's what I am, with or without Lyme. Without Lyme.  I felt like I was in someone else's body. How could I not have Lyme? For the longest time I have wanted only to be rid of this illness, and don't g

And so I have arrived, After a few months that blur and melt in my mind, Like watercolors on a wet page. This is not where I stop, But it is where I rest, For a moment, a simple moment To watch the sweet sun move an inch. (Pause) The trees all have clothes,    where once they were naked. The grass has grown up emerald,    with tulips and daffies for jewels. My heart has softened    enough to be hurt again. My soul has gained glasses,    the better not to be fooled. Music keeps me awake,    giving light to the shadows, Melodies new and old,    spilling out like beads from a broken chain. So, I have arrived, Or have I? For the moment of sun gazing is gone, I stand blinking like a baby, Thoughts rushing in the quiet. I crossed a bridge I didn't see, And stand on the other side, considering. So, I arrived,      Only to leave again. So much for the seeking, the asking, the dreaming, the planning, the cooking, the sleeping, the practicing, and t