Palmtree Contemplations

Is this all right? This lack of understanding. This yearning to know, And the inability to discover. Is this all right? This wishing I was free, Free from what? Does not the prison door stand open? Is this all right? This anger that I hold, So close, and oh so fiery, It hurts if water comes too near. Is this all right? This pounding frustration, It shakes the ground, And leaves me blank and numb. Is this all right? This silence that I give you. Though there's love in your eyes, I cower in fear.   This is wrong. This aching to yell and scream. This is wrong. This refusal to bow the knee. This is wrong. This burning, red-hot rage. This is wrong. This self-wrought, iron cage. These are the empty days When thoughts run wild and unwritten. These are the empty days When dark mem'ries won't stay hidden. Oh God, what a wretch I am!

        For all of you who were wondering what happened to me this summer, here it is. In March (which honestly feels like a lifetime ago), I was recruited to work for a publishing company called Southwestern. The internship itself has been around since the 1870s and is the number two internship in the U.S. (the number one internship is really a law firm, so it doesn't count) I could give all sorts of names for what I did, and try to make it sound really fancy and intriguing. In essence, the company hires college students to sell their books door to door throughout the United States. So, for thirteen weeks, I sold books door to door in Wisconsin. What is it like to live an entire life in thirteen weeks? That is how it felt. Everyday was filled to the brim with laughter, tears, anger, joy, slammed doors, opened doors, kind moms, jerk moms, funny dads, cruel dads, adorable children, bratty children, etc. I met generous people, I met selfish people. I met people who I hoped someda