The Pact
The idea of the Pact began during a long walk. It was the end of my senior year, and Kelsey and I were talking about the future. We knew we were different from a lot of other kids our age. We have known that since we were young. We were excited about graduating, going to college in a different country, and being challenged in new ways, but also apprehensive about the culture we would be facing. Our nervousness was on several levels: language, unspoken rules, food (if we would like it or not), clothing, and boys.
"I have a hard enough time understanding boys as it is," I said.
"I know. Add a culture barrier and it's back to the very beginning," Kelsey said.
"Where we know nothing."
"Yeah, exactly."
There was also the question of whether or not we were even spiritually mature enough for a relationship. I knew I did not feel ready for it then, even though I was at home and secure in my relationship with God. What would being away from home, completely on my own, do to that?
It was in the midst of this walk and many others that the Pact was formed. We agreed to 1) Not date for two years after graduation, and 2) be accountable to the each other about our relationships with boys.
That was a year ago. Today, I was faced with the reality that a lot of people don't understand why I did it, no matter how I explain it to them. Two girls that I work with actually told me that the Pact was "ridiculous. "
"You'll never find anyone if you don't date," they told me. Really? What kind of proof do they have to back up that statement? Not very much, and they can not really define "dating" for me, other than the vague "hanging out with someone else to see if you like them." (I'm assuming this "liking" leads to marriage). What does it mean to "like" someone? To be attracted to them. So, it is based on attraction only? A lot of it is. Well, what if I do not always feel attracted to this person? You work through it, or you break up.
That is ridiculous. I do not want to hang out with some guy who may dump me because he is no longer attracted to me. If I put the focus on myself and my feelings, I am setting myself up for disappointment and frustration. How do I know this? Because whenever I start focusing on my feelings and making them my guide, I start thinking, "Hey, I'm amazing. I can do whatever I want. Everyone should like me and be in awe of me." This attitude never fails to make me annoyed, frustrated, and unsympathetic.
What am I doing if I am not dating, in the words of my coworkers, "not finding anyone?" I am being delighted. Every day as I bike to work, I am delighted by the majesty of God. I am delighted by His mercy, because He has forgiven all my sins, even the ones I have not committed yet. Every day, I am delighted by the everlasting truth I find in His Word, and by the knowledge that I am loved unconditionally by my God. I realize more and more that God is amazing, and I want to share this awe that I have with others.
Why did Kelsey and I make the Pact? Part of the reason is that we did not want to rush into things since we were in a new culture. The deeper reason is that we wanted, and still want to make the most of being single. We want to have more time to delight in God without having a guy in the equation. Even more, we want to be sure we recognize the real thing when it comes along. The only way to know that is to spend more time with God, the Great Author of Love.
*Note- I never have to worry about breaking up with Him.
"I have a hard enough time understanding boys as it is," I said.
"I know. Add a culture barrier and it's back to the very beginning," Kelsey said.
"Where we know nothing."
"Yeah, exactly."
There was also the question of whether or not we were even spiritually mature enough for a relationship. I knew I did not feel ready for it then, even though I was at home and secure in my relationship with God. What would being away from home, completely on my own, do to that?
It was in the midst of this walk and many others that the Pact was formed. We agreed to 1) Not date for two years after graduation, and 2) be accountable to the each other about our relationships with boys.
That was a year ago. Today, I was faced with the reality that a lot of people don't understand why I did it, no matter how I explain it to them. Two girls that I work with actually told me that the Pact was "ridiculous. "
"You'll never find anyone if you don't date," they told me. Really? What kind of proof do they have to back up that statement? Not very much, and they can not really define "dating" for me, other than the vague "hanging out with someone else to see if you like them." (I'm assuming this "liking" leads to marriage). What does it mean to "like" someone? To be attracted to them. So, it is based on attraction only? A lot of it is. Well, what if I do not always feel attracted to this person? You work through it, or you break up.
That is ridiculous. I do not want to hang out with some guy who may dump me because he is no longer attracted to me. If I put the focus on myself and my feelings, I am setting myself up for disappointment and frustration. How do I know this? Because whenever I start focusing on my feelings and making them my guide, I start thinking, "Hey, I'm amazing. I can do whatever I want. Everyone should like me and be in awe of me." This attitude never fails to make me annoyed, frustrated, and unsympathetic.
What am I doing if I am not dating, in the words of my coworkers, "not finding anyone?" I am being delighted. Every day as I bike to work, I am delighted by the majesty of God. I am delighted by His mercy, because He has forgiven all my sins, even the ones I have not committed yet. Every day, I am delighted by the everlasting truth I find in His Word, and by the knowledge that I am loved unconditionally by my God. I realize more and more that God is amazing, and I want to share this awe that I have with others.
Why did Kelsey and I make the Pact? Part of the reason is that we did not want to rush into things since we were in a new culture. The deeper reason is that we wanted, and still want to make the most of being single. We want to have more time to delight in God without having a guy in the equation. Even more, we want to be sure we recognize the real thing when it comes along. The only way to know that is to spend more time with God, the Great Author of Love.
*Note- I never have to worry about breaking up with Him.
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