If It Be Your Will, Send Me

       It is one thing for me to write all these blogs about my gifts and strengths. It is another thing altogether to pick up the phone and call people who really know me, and ask them to analyze and picture me in the future. It was quite an experience, one that kept me up late making phone calls to high school friends, my two older siblings, and my dad. I asked them three questions:   
   #1. What do you think I am most passionate about?
   #2. What am I good at?
   #3. Where do you see me in ten years?
       My top three responses for the first question were God, music, and books. I understand why the people I talked to see these things in me. Over the years they have seen me getting up in the morning to read my Bible, heard me practicing the piano in the early and late hours of the day, and watched me consume books on a regular basis. I would have thought it strange if they hadn't noticed all these things. It was encouraging to know that I was right in seeing these passions within myself.
       The most surprising answer for "What am I good at?" came from my dad who said, "You are talented when it comes to conversation, especially deep conversation." I have never had anyone say that to me. My dad put into words something I knew I felt but couldn't identify. Because I love deep conversation, I have a hard time when I am not around people with whom I can enjoy meaningful discussion. This is one of the reasons college is hard right now. I don't yet have friends here who I can go to for deep conversations about life and God.  I like to reflect with my friends and think about why things are the way they are. When I don't have that on a weekly basis I feel like my mind is slowly dying from lack of stimulation.
      Ten years is such a long way away, surely everyone will have different ideas for what I'm going to be, right? Wrong. Everyone in the response group knows that I love music, and they foresee me going places with it. Three people said they could see me teaching music and piano overseas at a missionary boarding school or foreign national school. Another person said they could see me being a music pastor's wife and/or traveling evangelist/musician.
       What is the implication? Am I meant to be in ministry? I have to admit, I have never really known what I am going to do with music. I believe I have the gifts, determination, and discipline to go far in the performing world if I wanted that, but I'm not sure that's what I want. Whenever I think about the future I keep coming back to the idea of evangelizing with music, and using my talent for deep conversation to inspire others through writing or speaking. The fact that my response group had this idea also makes me think it might be worth pursuing. All I want is to do something that will unite my passions and gifts for the glory of God. How do I do that? I think the secret is to let go of any desires I have and say, "Lord, here am I. If it be Your will, send me."
   

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