Palmtree Contemplations

As I look back over the last year of life, a lot has changed. I am definitely not who I was last year in November. I want to take this moment to remember some of the greatest moments of of my twenty-first decade of life. Hence, the list that follows. When I Was 21... 1. Tea-Time Started And Didn't Stop. Basically, a bunch of people will receive a text inviting them to my apartment for said "tea-time". They show up, tell me what kind of tea they want to drink, and then tell me about their lives. It was never going to be anything spectacular. I just wanted to be around my friends more. Now, though, I get requests for it. "Please call for a tea-time," my friends ask. I have found that after a long day all I really want is to come home to my apartment, put on the kettle while friends arrive, and then listen as they tell me of their adventures. For me, that is why Tea-Time is my favorite event: I am able to listen and serve my friends, and in this way I let them...

Do you remember that night years ago When we stood between two Freeways? I don't usually care to think of that. Do you remember how the darkness Sat around us while light streamed on Above? It all smelled of cigarettes and trash. Do you remember what you said, How brightly we dreamed at winter's Midnight? We were foolish then, and young, especially you. I remember how you gave me wisdom, With kindness and consideration for my Fears. You were always afraid then, weren't you? I remember that you said God Could work in and through my Doubts. God and I were on good terms then. Life had not happened yet. I remember how hopeful you were,  How even roaring cars kindled your life giving Ideas. Yes, well, ideas and hope were nice things back then. Look, I've gotta be somewhere. Later. While I went one light filled way, you went Nowhere. I pray you will remember and find strength to leave That prison. Wave your hand and catch a Rid...

The Weeping Daughter The light here is blue And yet the ground is red. All is collision where I sit, With my problems still unsaid. I am weak, You are strong Of course all this true. But nothing is its proper color So what am I to do? I whisper and I weep, Floating in a purple daze You bring me back to blood stained earth, By Your Love that always stays. It is tranquil blue, yet fiery red. I cannot understand it. Help me penetrate this mystery, Show me how the colors fit. I Would Like... I would like to see Without thought of being seen. I would like to speak Without fear of being overheard. I would like to end These fierce desires stirred. My heart glows warm, beats cold Wanting what it cannot hold. I would like to know Without ever being known. I would like to take Without ever being taken. I would like to stay Half asleep while awakened To the cadence of your voice Painting the soft white ...

Across the aching distance I send my armored prayers, Hoping they will reach your soul And lodge their smiles there. Fierce and forceful is this fight, Drawn and weary is your heart, Yet the God of heaven gives His love And truth to tear these lies apart. You labor long and restlessly, I cannot end this pain you feel. Only hold you while you weep And remind you what is real.           

When the rain begins I leave my Philosophy reading behind with a squeal, run down the twisting Music Department hallways, and stand, breathless, watching the downpour from just inside the department's glass doors. Outside, the world is being washed clean by the deluge. The deep black pavement of the parking lot is covered in a sheen of water. I can see currents forming on top of it. Raindrops bounce and slide down the sides of the glass enclosure surrounding me, and I am lost remembering... I used to watch the river currents bending and curving in the rain outside my window. During most rainstorms, I was out in the river with everyone else who had any sense, feeling the currents and rain up close. Swimming in a rainstorm was wet, cold, and electrifying. The world was grey, black, and fierce, hitting us with full force from all directions. Everything became the ever present now: this feeling of water smashing into your face, the giggle you let out whe...

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life." Psalm 39:4               When I was young, my siblings and I used to play hide-and-seek in a small California cemetery. Those were bright, summery days filled with laughter and frantic chases amongst headstones and memorials. To me, the cemetery was my family's private playground. When my parents did language study in Manaus, there was one particular bus route that ran right beside the cemetery. It seemed a place of magic and mystery to me, with its white, sloping, walls that glittered with broken, green and brown glass. I wanted a key to those barred blue gates. I always leaned forward in my seat, my eyes memorizing the shapes and peeling colors of the many crosses and monuments to the Holy Virgin. Years later, at college in Arkansas, the cemetery near my ...

My girls made me stay in the bathroom for ten minutes before sending someone to lead me back to the cabin. We made very exaggerated small talk on the walk back through the trees as though there was nothing going on, although we all knew there was. When we reached the cabin, they threw open the door, pulled me in, and proceeded to serenade me with a parody of Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway". It was silly, filled with references only we understood, and incredibly off-key. Halfway through, I wanted to cry, but there was more. They made a neon green "Early Birthday" card (VERY early, since my birthday's not until November), bought me a Blue Lake shirt that they all signed, and filled a Blue Lake mug with Skittles, M&Ms, and AirHeads. Then they presented me with a picture of WonderWoman. "See? I gave her green eyes and brown hair like you," one of them told me. "And her suit is blue with white and black because you like blue and play the piano...