No Need To Say Goodbye

 Tuesday, 8:45 P.M., Sometime during my Senior Year
"Okay, what is our class verse going to be?" 
It was class meeting and Esther was looking around at all of us expectantly. 
"I really like Romans 12:1-2," Raffi said. 
"Great idea. I love that chapter," I said. 
"Well, I was thinking of II Timothy 1:7," Heidi said. 
"I like that one too," Esther said. 
"Yes, well, I like Romans 12:1-2," Raffi said.  He smiled as if to say, "Hint hint." Heidi shrugged and Esther took another bite of her cake. 
          Our senior class verse ended up being II Timothy 1:7, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, of power, and of self-discipline." Our motto based off this verse was "Fearless." It was an appropriate motto. I have felt so afraid this past year: afraid of never going home, afraid of messing up my life, and afraid of not having friends. I often let that verse run through my mind, clinging to the hope of being "Fearless" with Christ's help. It is my battle cry. When I say it, I picture my entire class going through the same things. Then I do not feel so alone.
           It started out as a feeling/ Which then grew into a hope/ Which then turned into a quiet thought/ Which then turned into a quiet word/ Then that word grew louder and louder/ Until it was a battle cry/ You'll come back when they call you/ No need to say goodbye. 
*   *   *
Sunday 5:55 P.M., Sometime During My Senior Year
It was the last Floatdown that night, so I went early to sit on top of the launch. I watched the sun set and scribbled the final sentences in my journal before everyone came down. At 6:15 we pushed pushed off from the dock. I sat in front with the girls, singing every song we could think of, even though we knew we would sing a lot of them again that night. We picked out shapes in the clouds, and watched the stars come out. Manaus glowed in the distance.
      Kelsey and I sat together in the darkness. During open sharing we both talked about what God had done in our lives over the past few weeks and months. We both were emotional, but we were emotional together. No matter what we did, we did it together and that made all the difference. I knew when I left that I could count on her to keep praying for me. 
                      Just because everything's changing/ Doesn't mean it's never been this way before/ All you can do is try to know who your friends are/ As you head off to the war/ Pick a star on the dark horizon/ And follow the light/ You'll come back when it's over/ No need to say goodbye/ You'll come back when it's over/ No need to say goodbye. 
*   *   *
Sunday, My Dorm Room, The Present Time         
 One shelf in my room is completely devoted to my journals. They are full of descriptions of home, of beautiful familiar things, like the river, all the people I lived with and grew up around, and of course, the rain. It is as if I knew I would need reminders of home. I knew that I would have trouble saying goodbye. Now, though, when my first year is nearly over, and I am about to start my summer, I ask myself, "Say goodbye to what? You do not say goodbye to your friends or your family. You just say 'see you later.'" I will always be here if they need me. 
                      Now we're back to the beginning/ It's just a feeling and no one knows yet/ But just because they can't feel it too/ Doesn't mean that you have to forget/ Let your memories grow stronger and stronger/ Until they're before your eyes/ You'll come back when they call you/ No need to say goodbye/ You'll come back when they call you/ No need to say goodbye. 

Comments

  1. CalebMay 6, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    Goodness, Rachel... this moved me. Not violently or to tears... but my heart sort of stepped sideways in my chest.

    ReplyDelete

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