Palmtree Contemplations

I have never done Lent, and I do not come from a tradition that does. I used to read about it in books on Reformation England, when the Catholics would do it and be persecuted for it. It all seemed very violent and strange. I never thought it was something I would want to do until this year. Back in February, I began to realize how oftentimes I encouraged my own loneliness. Planning things to do with friends is great, but sometimes it's hard, or it takes effort, or making conversation is tiring. More frequently than I'd care to admit, I've wound up in front of my computer until 1 AM watching HIMYM, New Girl, Castle, or Downton Abbey. The truth is, I don't really like Ted Mosby that much, and New Girl is superficial, most of the time. Castle is sometimes a smart show, but it's really just a cop story, and I almost always guess who the killer is within the first ten minutes, anyway. As for Downton, well, everyone knows that half of the good plot lines died with Matt

Rust paves the streets of Alone, Chances have fled with the sun. Dreams lie entombed in stone. Empty shoes and barefoot memories groan, Companions to a neighborhood of one Rust paves the streets of Alone. Silver horns and bagpipes drone Love departs, its bright journeys unrun, Dreams lie entombed in stone. Salty rain drenches Nature's bones, Picnics and tea parties by water undone Rust paves the streets of Alone. Dim lamps light inky flights flown Above battered, disassembled guns. Dreams lie entombed in stone. Flickering ghosts deceive with forceful tone. Dead leaves drift, raked by none. Rust paves the streets of Alone. Dreams lie entombed in stone.

Alone, I fill my hands with        Beauty. Light spills through them,        Music and wildflowers That bloom for hours,        But languish in my Silent days.       Though I fill my hands Again and again,        Beauty always flees. Then you sit beside me.        Starbeams glimmer above And we catch them,        Hands clasped, Sharing Beauty in smiles,        And bouquets of words Passed with murmuring         Wonderment. And Beauty makes a Home.

October The month began with a two day stint in bed. I was so sick all I could do was look at the ceiling and ask God to help me get up. An hour later, I would muster the energy to go to the bathroom, or make tea, or maybe text a friend. Two days dragged by in this manner, and I spent a lot of time thinking about my schedule, since there was nothing else to be done. If I hadn't been sick, I know I would have been rushing around and around, like a lunatic hamster on one of those exercise wheels. Finally, my mind was made up: I've decided that I need to quit working at the Cafe at the end of the month. The late nights aren't helping, and I honestly believe that the strain of holding down three jobs is going to drive me crazy, even more so than it already is. I can't do this. I really wanted to think that I could do all of this, and do it well, but I just can't. My friends surprised me with their kindness throughout this time. Almost every weekend that I worked a