Palmtree Contemplations

Give me the gift of a long farewell, Words of love spoken on long, late nights, Over tea that burns when it goes down Swallowed as it is with the whiskey of hope. Give me the gift of a long farewell, Embrace me every golden twilight, Each new and frosted dawn, Let us keep the memory of your leaving near And then we shall save time for we will Say what we mean. Give me the gift of a long farewell, Where these moments together are pearls, And the string between them Our days spent apart.

You spilled some courage as you left, And I fell to my knees to lap it up Drop by golden drop. I felt it shimmer inside me As it sped to all the cold Fearful places in my bones. I hoped against experience, Wished despite all knowledge to the contrary That it would help, But it did not. For as time passed, the room grew not brighter but dark. The shadows sprouted talons And I found myself Shaking, shaking, shaking In spite of all the light filled courage I had swallowed. It came back up in golden tears, Smearing all the masks I wear to Make myself feel brave. Stealing courage, even from someone As fearless as you, Did nothing for me.

I sang for you tonight. And yes, I know you couldn't hear me, since you're miles away and probably not even thinking about me. Still, I sang every hymn that made me think of you, and I sang them as if you were in the room, listening. I could have prayed, maybe asked God one more time to give you peace and comfort and joy. I could have fallen to my knees and talked to our Father about how I don't understand why you have to go through all of this right now. The words, "This isn't fair" could have come out of my mouth the way they always do when I think about this darkness you are facing. Instead, I sang for you. I sang about God's faithfulness, His truth, and and His love. I sang about leaning on Him, about living day by day, and trusting Him "what e'er betide." I sang about the love that has no limit and the grace that has no measure. I sang as if you were right across from me, and every melody was a balm to ease your pain. It was re