Detox
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3: 1-3a
A good detox bath is hot, near boiling. Our bathtub does not reach the temperatures I desire for my weekly ritual, and so I resort to heating pots of water on the stove, adding their steaming contents to my already hot bath for maximum effectiveness.
I usually take my bath on Sunday afternoon, when my roommates are gone with their families and I have the house to myself. The burner ignites underneath the largest pot, and the other three sit grouped around it on the stove, like children awaiting their turn. I sit and read, testing the temperature of the largest pot between pages. It's ready. Now, the kettle is turned on, now the other two pots. Wait, sit, read. Now the pots are near boiling. I start the water upstairs as hot as it will go. Wait, sit, test the pots. Ouch.
I carry them upstairs carefully, humming and muttering encouragement, "La-di-da, don't spill hot water. Hmmmm-dee-do, don't spill, don't spill."
The water rushes down into the tub and all the beautiful, soft bubbles froth to the surface. I add more liquid Epsom salts and the bubbles escalate. Then comes the bath bomb, a large orange one that turns the water a soft cream color as it fwooshes. I am ecstatic.
The water is hot, so hot my skin turns red. Water and flame work together to draw out the toxins in my body. I breathe in the scented steam and play with the bubbles.
...set your hearts on things above...set your minds on things above....
One of the first times I took a detox bath was the day I came home from Korea, literally the longest day of my life due to the time change and my body's subsequent confusion. "It's daytime again? Why?" The heat of the bath, which should have been soothing, was uncomfortable.The worst part, though, was being alone. In Korea, on my sick weekends and many nights when I returned to my apartment, I was often very much alone. The detox bath, with its silence and close, bare walls reminded me of this. It scared me. The bathtub had a lot more salt in it by the time I finished.
...set your hearts on things above...set your minds on things above....
For a long time this past year, I couldn't stand the quiet and the stillness of these detox baths. After that first one, I brought music in, preferably the kind with words. Sometimes, I even set up my laptop on the sink and listened to Netflix to stave off the loneliness and the crying. Otherwise, all the thoughts that I kept at bay during the day- you're a failure, everything ends badly, everyone is going to leave you- came forward with a rush, demanding to be felt. I had no strength to deal with them, so I took the easy way: I distracted myself.
...set your hearts on things above...set your minds on things above....
As I have worked on memorizing this passage and the verses following it, my mind wanders so easily. One moment I am focused, thinking about the depth of God's love, and the next I am wondering about teaching piano to five year olds, what I should put on my sweet potato toast, where I should go exploring on my walk, if anyone is ever going to fall in love with me, why did burlap and lace ever become a thing, should I consider using more cinematic score music in my wedding set list, why don't guys ask me out more, what book should I read next, am I ever going to finish writing my book, and should I just go ahead and leave Wisconsin now? Wait. Right. Set my mind. Set my heart. Think about what really matters. It's an uncomfortable process as I realize the extent of my own distractions.
...set your hearts on things above...set your minds on things above....
Instagram and Facebook, with their bright filters and constant chronicles of happy moments, often leave me feeling more alone than I did before I opened them. Some of those thoughts from before- you're a failure, everyone else is doing better- come back, and I find myself frustrated again. Every time I have my phone in my hand I have a choice, it would seem, between being more frustrated or more involved with my present. I need a detox of the mind.
I keep sitting with this verse. Day after day, morning and evening, letting the heat of its truth seep into my tired mind. Sometimes it makes me squirm, like a child anxiously sitting through a long sermon. Other days, though, I find I can rest in this warm, encouraging quiet.
...set your hearts on things above...set your minds on things above....
In the bathtub, the steam is still rising. This spot, with its heat and close white walls, is now a space I crave. I don't need Netflix or music anymore. When those distracting, punishing thoughts come, I tell them to God, crying because I know they aren't true. He doesn't look at me, at any of us, and see that failure, that person who doesn't measure up to their Instagram account. He sees His child. It has taken a lot of detoxing to help me see that, but it's beginning to sink in.
...set your hearts on things above...set your minds on things above....
For a long time this past year, I couldn't stand the quiet and the stillness of these detox baths. After that first one, I brought music in, preferably the kind with words. Sometimes, I even set up my laptop on the sink and listened to Netflix to stave off the loneliness and the crying. Otherwise, all the thoughts that I kept at bay during the day- you're a failure, everything ends badly, everyone is going to leave you- came forward with a rush, demanding to be felt. I had no strength to deal with them, so I took the easy way: I distracted myself.
...set your hearts on things above...set your minds on things above....
As I have worked on memorizing this passage and the verses following it, my mind wanders so easily. One moment I am focused, thinking about the depth of God's love, and the next I am wondering about teaching piano to five year olds, what I should put on my sweet potato toast, where I should go exploring on my walk, if anyone is ever going to fall in love with me, why did burlap and lace ever become a thing, should I consider using more cinematic score music in my wedding set list, why don't guys ask me out more, what book should I read next, am I ever going to finish writing my book, and should I just go ahead and leave Wisconsin now? Wait. Right. Set my mind. Set my heart. Think about what really matters. It's an uncomfortable process as I realize the extent of my own distractions.
...set your hearts on things above...set your minds on things above....
Instagram and Facebook, with their bright filters and constant chronicles of happy moments, often leave me feeling more alone than I did before I opened them. Some of those thoughts from before- you're a failure, everyone else is doing better- come back, and I find myself frustrated again. Every time I have my phone in my hand I have a choice, it would seem, between being more frustrated or more involved with my present. I need a detox of the mind.
I keep sitting with this verse. Day after day, morning and evening, letting the heat of its truth seep into my tired mind. Sometimes it makes me squirm, like a child anxiously sitting through a long sermon. Other days, though, I find I can rest in this warm, encouraging quiet.
...set your hearts on things above...set your minds on things above....
In the bathtub, the steam is still rising. This spot, with its heat and close white walls, is now a space I crave. I don't need Netflix or music anymore. When those distracting, punishing thoughts come, I tell them to God, crying because I know they aren't true. He doesn't look at me, at any of us, and see that failure, that person who doesn't measure up to their Instagram account. He sees His child. It has taken a lot of detoxing to help me see that, but it's beginning to sink in.
Comments
Post a Comment