Lent: Why It Mattered This Year
I have never done Lent, and I do not come from a tradition that does. I used to read about it in books on Reformation England, when the Catholics would do it and be persecuted for it. It all seemed very violent and strange. I never thought it was something I would want to do until this year.
Back in February, I began to realize how oftentimes I encouraged my own loneliness. Planning things to do with friends is great, but sometimes it's hard, or it takes effort, or making conversation is tiring. More frequently than I'd care to admit, I've wound up in front of my computer until 1 AM watching HIMYM, New Girl, Castle, or Downton Abbey. The truth is, I don't really like Ted Mosby that much, and New Girl is superficial, most of the time. Castle is sometimes a smart show, but it's really just a cop story, and I almost always guess who the killer is within the first ten minutes, anyway. As for Downton, well, everyone knows that half of the good plot lines died with Matthew (sorry for the spoiler).
People started talking about the Lenten season, and I decided that I should give something up. Not because I wanted to be seen as more holy or more enlightened about high church liturgical traditions. Honestly, I'm not. I don't even know how Lent got started (although I imagine it is some tradition dating back to the Desert Fathers). I did Lent because I didn't like the person that I was: the girl who stayed up until 1 AM with superficial shows. The shows aren't that bad in and of themselves, but they were numbing feelings and thoughts and questions that I needed to ask. They were also keeping me from interacting with my real friends, who may not be this physically close to me ever again. I did Lent because I wanted to change.
I gave up checking Facebook more than once a day, and did not allow myself to watch Hulu, Amazonprime, or Youtube. I wasn't allowed to watch them by myself, but I was allowed to watch them with friends. If I wanted to watch a movie, I had to have friends over, or take someone to the theater with me. I mace sure my close friends knew about it, too. The rules of my Lenten "vow" were designed to help me fight the thing I was facing every day: loneliness.
Honestly, it wasn't that easy for me. My mind and my fingers are used to blocking my loneliness by typing in "hulu" or "amazonprime" on my Google search bar. To help me with Lent, I started putting the Self-Control app on everyday. It wasn't always at the same time, and every now and again I would scroll down Facebook for longer than my allotted five minutes when the 24 hour Self Control app had stopped blocking different media sites. At first there was a sheepishness to setting the app, an embarrassed moment of admitting to myself that yes, I really do need an app to help control my Internet usage. Still, having to do that every day, and making a habit of clicking that Self-Control button when I got up in the morning, or when I came home from work, or when I was about to go bed, made me realize that I can do this. I can exercise control over what I do with my time. Lent helped me develop confidence in this.
As the days passed, it became something I liked doing. I liked having to set up times to go and see my friends, even if it meant they were doing homework while I sat on the other side of the room working through my TEFL certification. I liked it when they said, "Hey, I saw something on Youtube that I wanted to share with you," and realizing that I could watch it because they were there with me. Moments that would have been small and nearly unnoticed in the quiet, semi darkness of my room became moments of shared laughter. Doing Lent helped me make good memories with my friends.
It also affected my times with God. I wasn't as liable to distraction, and I noticed my prayer times becoming longer and more specific as I became more honest and open with God about my and my friends' struggles. I starting journaling a lot more, and was able to share some of those journal entries with others. Lent helped me draw nearer to God.
For me, the end of Lent was marked by a beautiful late night vigil at Grace Episcopal, where bells rang to celebrate Christ's resurrection. I have never been to a more joyous occasion. When the priest turned to the congregants and said, "Christ is risen," we all shouted back, "He is risen indeed. Hallelujah!" People cheered and laughed. When we passed the peace to one another later in the service, the room became a mass hugging demonstration, as we all tried to outdo each other in our enthusiastic exchanges of "Peace to you! He is risen! He is risen INDEED!" When the service ended, we toasted Christ's resurrection with champagne and sparkling cider. Somehow, doing Lent made this moment more joyous and real to me.
Lent has ended, and honesty requires me to tell you that I watched quite a few TV episodes after Easter weekend. I watched them alone, and stayed up late doing it. Waking up the next morning, I wondered aloud, "Did I even change? What was all that for if I just went right back to my old ways when Lent was finished?" In the weeks since, though, I have decided to keep going with my Lent idea, to a certain extent. I turn my Self Control app on almost every day because I have realized that I need it. Maybe someday I won't have to use this app to control my web searches. For now, though, I think of it as a gift, a technological wonder that I can use to help me. Lent has reminded me that technology can be a good thing, if used properly.
I have also realized afresh that God does not need me. I am not indispensable to His plan to glorify Himself. If I mess up, He will still have all the glory, and He will still be God. With this in mind, I don't think Lent is about doing something grand and fantastically spiritual for God. For me, it was a simple enough action to not watch TV, but the implications of that choice have had a lot of ripple effects. I am deciding to spend more time with God and the people he has placed in my life. Doing Lent has helped me pursue reality.
Back in February, I began to realize how oftentimes I encouraged my own loneliness. Planning things to do with friends is great, but sometimes it's hard, or it takes effort, or making conversation is tiring. More frequently than I'd care to admit, I've wound up in front of my computer until 1 AM watching HIMYM, New Girl, Castle, or Downton Abbey. The truth is, I don't really like Ted Mosby that much, and New Girl is superficial, most of the time. Castle is sometimes a smart show, but it's really just a cop story, and I almost always guess who the killer is within the first ten minutes, anyway. As for Downton, well, everyone knows that half of the good plot lines died with Matthew (sorry for the spoiler).
People started talking about the Lenten season, and I decided that I should give something up. Not because I wanted to be seen as more holy or more enlightened about high church liturgical traditions. Honestly, I'm not. I don't even know how Lent got started (although I imagine it is some tradition dating back to the Desert Fathers). I did Lent because I didn't like the person that I was: the girl who stayed up until 1 AM with superficial shows. The shows aren't that bad in and of themselves, but they were numbing feelings and thoughts and questions that I needed to ask. They were also keeping me from interacting with my real friends, who may not be this physically close to me ever again. I did Lent because I wanted to change.
I gave up checking Facebook more than once a day, and did not allow myself to watch Hulu, Amazonprime, or Youtube. I wasn't allowed to watch them by myself, but I was allowed to watch them with friends. If I wanted to watch a movie, I had to have friends over, or take someone to the theater with me. I mace sure my close friends knew about it, too. The rules of my Lenten "vow" were designed to help me fight the thing I was facing every day: loneliness.
Honestly, it wasn't that easy for me. My mind and my fingers are used to blocking my loneliness by typing in "hulu" or "amazonprime" on my Google search bar. To help me with Lent, I started putting the Self-Control app on everyday. It wasn't always at the same time, and every now and again I would scroll down Facebook for longer than my allotted five minutes when the 24 hour Self Control app had stopped blocking different media sites. At first there was a sheepishness to setting the app, an embarrassed moment of admitting to myself that yes, I really do need an app to help control my Internet usage. Still, having to do that every day, and making a habit of clicking that Self-Control button when I got up in the morning, or when I came home from work, or when I was about to go bed, made me realize that I can do this. I can exercise control over what I do with my time. Lent helped me develop confidence in this.
As the days passed, it became something I liked doing. I liked having to set up times to go and see my friends, even if it meant they were doing homework while I sat on the other side of the room working through my TEFL certification. I liked it when they said, "Hey, I saw something on Youtube that I wanted to share with you," and realizing that I could watch it because they were there with me. Moments that would have been small and nearly unnoticed in the quiet, semi darkness of my room became moments of shared laughter. Doing Lent helped me make good memories with my friends.
It also affected my times with God. I wasn't as liable to distraction, and I noticed my prayer times becoming longer and more specific as I became more honest and open with God about my and my friends' struggles. I starting journaling a lot more, and was able to share some of those journal entries with others. Lent helped me draw nearer to God.
For me, the end of Lent was marked by a beautiful late night vigil at Grace Episcopal, where bells rang to celebrate Christ's resurrection. I have never been to a more joyous occasion. When the priest turned to the congregants and said, "Christ is risen," we all shouted back, "He is risen indeed. Hallelujah!" People cheered and laughed. When we passed the peace to one another later in the service, the room became a mass hugging demonstration, as we all tried to outdo each other in our enthusiastic exchanges of "Peace to you! He is risen! He is risen INDEED!" When the service ended, we toasted Christ's resurrection with champagne and sparkling cider. Somehow, doing Lent made this moment more joyous and real to me.
Lent has ended, and honesty requires me to tell you that I watched quite a few TV episodes after Easter weekend. I watched them alone, and stayed up late doing it. Waking up the next morning, I wondered aloud, "Did I even change? What was all that for if I just went right back to my old ways when Lent was finished?" In the weeks since, though, I have decided to keep going with my Lent idea, to a certain extent. I turn my Self Control app on almost every day because I have realized that I need it. Maybe someday I won't have to use this app to control my web searches. For now, though, I think of it as a gift, a technological wonder that I can use to help me. Lent has reminded me that technology can be a good thing, if used properly.
I have also realized afresh that God does not need me. I am not indispensable to His plan to glorify Himself. If I mess up, He will still have all the glory, and He will still be God. With this in mind, I don't think Lent is about doing something grand and fantastically spiritual for God. For me, it was a simple enough action to not watch TV, but the implications of that choice have had a lot of ripple effects. I am deciding to spend more time with God and the people he has placed in my life. Doing Lent has helped me pursue reality.
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